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Post by Emm on Jan 31, 2006 17:44:31 GMT 12
Please post any "Little Johnny" jokes you find amusing, here. 
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Post by Emm on Jan 31, 2006 17:47:58 GMT 12
Living to 107
Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the sixth one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth and make you fat."
Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business!"
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Post by Emm on Jan 31, 2006 17:48:16 GMT 12
Dirty Mags
One day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home.
When Little Johnny's father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, "THIS is what I found in "YOUR" son's closet."
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word. Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him,"Well what should we do about this?"
Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."
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Post by Emm on Jan 31, 2006 17:48:34 GMT 12
Lil Girls
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his Mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his Mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"
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Post by Emm on Jan 31, 2006 17:48:55 GMT 12
Report Card
Little Johnny's father said, "let me see your report card." Johnny replied, "I don't have it."
"Why not?" His father asked.
"My friend just borrowed it. He wanted to scare his parents."
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Post by Emm on Jan 31, 2006 17:49:13 GMT 12
Crim photos
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin bo ard of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
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Post by Emm on Jan 31, 2006 17:49:29 GMT 12
Some Math
The math teacher saw that Little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Little Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
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Post by Emm on Jan 31, 2006 17:49:53 GMT 12
Cold cream
Little Johnny, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face, asked her, "Why do you do that, Mommy?"
"To make myself beautiful." said his Mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny, "Giving up?"
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Post by Emm on Jan 31, 2006 17:50:10 GMT 12
Stand up if you're stupid
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
He replied, "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
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Post by Cabbagepatch on Feb 3, 2006 15:14:40 GMT 12
The teacher said, "Ok, class, we're going to try to use the word fascinate in a sentence."
Little Billy said, "My family went to the zoo on Saturday. It was very fascinating."
The teacher replied, "Good, but you said fascinating, not fascinate."
Little Mary said, "I have a fascination with the study of insects."
The teacher said, "That's also good, but you used fascination, not fascinate."
Little Johnny said, "My sister has a shirt with ten buttons on it, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."
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Post by Emm on Feb 24, 2006 21:05:13 GMT 12
Time to start swearing
Little Johnny and his little brother are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?", says Little Johnny, "I think it's about time we started swearing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. "When we go downstairs for breakfast, you swear first, then i'll swear after you, OK?". The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 4 year old what he wants for breakfast. "Oh, shit mum, I guess I'll have some Coco Pops". WHACK!! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looks at Little Johnny and asks with a stern voice, "And what do you want for breakfast, young man?!"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fucking life it won't be Coco Pops!"
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